Rod and Karen discuss Karen’s random thoughts, LGBTQ news, Emma Watson, Jamie Kilstein, Faizon Love arrested, Remy Ma isn’t proud of Shether, Charles Barkley, craft beer racism, NC school racism, That’s Ya’ll Man, white people news and sword ratchetness.
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So two things about this episode, first I’d like to thank y’all for talking about that Jamie dude. During the election I started listening to a bunch of different podcasts to keep up with the Orange one’s bullshit, Citizen Radio was one them. I liked it ok, they talked about things important to me so I listened longer than I would have than if I’d just started listening for entertainment and not due to the election. A few episodes in I realized that i needed to (and did) skip the first 20 minutes of each episode because it was just Jamie talking about himself (first red flag). Even after that initial 20, I was bothered by Jamie always interrupting Allison (usually to talk about himself), and the fact that they were two cis straight white ppl who really cared about minorities, just not enough to have them as guests on their show. I quit listening well before the election was over. After y’all talked about it I figured I’d listen to the show again, and surprise, surprise… the first episode I listened to happened to feature Keisha Zollar and they were talking about Mike Brown. Now I’m not saying y’all single handedly fixed that podcast… but I’m not NOT saying it either. Second and final thing, finally fighting the fuck back. While I was certainly aware of my place in the social hierarchy, I wouldn’t consider myself bullied in school, w/a few exceptions, the biggest being the time this girl in 7th grade kept talking shit to me in class when we had a sub. I was a “good girl” and did what I was taught; I ignored her. That didn’t deter her, she actually seemed to feed on it. She kept talking and saying how pathetic I was to not say anything back, with a few girls egging her on she finally just walked over to where I was sitting and slapped me across the face. Out of instinct I kicked her in the stomach immediately, suddenly the sub noticed something going on (apparently the bitch hadn’t noticed a girl standing up talking shit to a student who was just trying to do her work the whole damn class). We both got sent to the principle and the girl who was messing with me got suspended (she had a long track record of bad behavior) and I got a Saturday detention. I wanted to know why I was in trouble at all, was I just supposed to let her hit me? Zero tolerance is the only answer I got. The lesson i learned? None from the fucking school, they didn’t do shit to help me, just punished me for finally fighting back. Life lesson? That girl never fucked with me again, I never had anyone hitting me with a hair brush on the bus again, I generally didn’t get fucked with in school again, all because I finally fought back. Ignoring bullies doesn’t work, but kicking the asshole who slaps you just might.
I just want to say that Karen’s observations about the battery powered toothbrushs are on point! I’ve used them and the vibrations are strong as hell! Ive been told by my dentist that they are better at cleaning your teeth overall like you said as well Rod.
I also wanted to discuss white feminism and being objectified. Honestly I used to consider myself a feminist until I learned about the racism within the group when women were fighting for the right to vote. I know a few Woc who consider themselves Womanist for that exact reason. I’m a womanist who occasionally loves to be objectified. But like Karen said you can look at my titties and ass but don’t disrespect me. Also for the douchebag podcaster(forgot his name) that’s seriously a shitty thing for him to do to women then try to align himself with feminism. FOH! You a wolf in sheeps clothing! And also I never got to tell you guys that even though the LGBTQ news is almost always bad news I dance when the music comes on while I imagine myself in a cool 70’s disco. As a member of the community I appreciate that you guys speak out on these issues! Y’all are my favs â¤â¤
The story about the kid who fought back at the racist bully really triggered me because sometimes, you don’t actually snap until the abuse has been ongoing. It reminds me of two incidents in my highschool, one was me and the other with this other girl, With the other girl, there was this girl, let’s call her Tasha.Tasha zeroed in on this really petite girl we’ll call Ana. Ana was so quiet and never bothered anyone that I noticed. Tasha would throw stuff at the girl and clown her everyday. One day Ana had had enough and told Tasha to leave her alone. But she said, “leave me alone you hippo.” Tasha was on the big side. This set Tasha off and she went to hit Ana. What no one knew was that Ana had a black belt. I have never seen anyone get their ass kicked as badly as Tasha. There were lose braids on the ground and a boys were clowning Tasha and picking up her hair saying “You forgot something” Man that was funny. But Tasha only got in school suspension and Ana got a whole week because she was told she’d taken it too far. The other story wasn’t as entertaining because I snapped on this girl who wouldn’t leave me alone, and it took me fighting back psychically before she left me alone. I literally blacked out but people say I won that fight. That girl did try to be nice to me afterwards but fuck her.
Sometime bullies need to be taught a lesson before they leave you alone. I bet that kid’s bully in that NC school will talk shit behind that kid’s back but he won’t say it to his face.
Rod would you mind telling us what happened after you beat up your bully? Did you get in trouble. Did you both get in trouble? What did your parents say?
Speaking of bullying, I was bullied very badly in middle school and every teacher’s or adminstrator’s reaction was to pull be out of class whenever I would yell or try to retailiate. It wasn’t the physical bullying but that relational bullying I went through. There was the constant name calling, threats, etc. That scene in Moonlight when he walks determinedly into the class and beats his bully with a chair had me in tears, because that was me. I felt that last straw anger. During a baseball game at recess, I had grabbed a baseball bat and marched into the cafeteria to bash my tormentors in the head. They weren’t there, but I ended up chasing someone into the boys bathroom and swinging at the door. Thank God I didn’t hurt anyone. Recently, at my daughter’s middle school, 4 Muslim students were being so badly bullied (post Trump election) that they brought knives to school. Now, they’re in trouble and those who pushed them go unpunished. Schools are ill equipped to deal with bullying. You can’t just ignore and it will go away.
When I was in Elementary School we had those tire things football players use to do high knee drills on our play ground, and one of the tires was not fully buried. Well the class jerk who picked on me for being a big chubby kid, and possibly because I was also the only black kid in the class for the second year in a row, was busy trying to “sword fight” my smaller friend with a sharpened stick. When he backed my friend into a corner I figured it was a good time to put the brakes on his bullying by hitting him with that loose tire. I don’t remember much, I was 9 or 10 when this happened, but I do remember the tire being wet and smelly, and the bully laying on the ground cry with muddy tire tracks on his back.
Woops, Comment was meant for the poll. Rookie Mistake.
This was a really interesting discussion. I believe that trans women are women and that they do not need cis women to speak to them, but I don’t think saying that a cis woman’s experience is different from a trans woman’s is attempting to speak for them. However, I also can agree that while many people have explained that to be Adechie’s point, that is not what she said. Like black women and white women, there are experiences that unite us as women and there are differences. There are privileges that cis women have that trans women do not, and I thought Laverne’s response to Adechie’s comments perfectly captured the complexity of intersectional identity. I at least appreciate the various perspectives from both trans and cis women on this subject, and how they have informed my understanding of my position as a black woman.
The discussion around Chimamanda’s comments is so nuanced and interesting. Here’s something I feel gets left out: I know trans women who identify very strongly as “trans women” and reject being referred to as just “women” when it’s used without a qualifier and as an umbrella term. They’ll say “I’m am not just a woman. I am a trans woman.” They want their identity and struggle to be seen and highlighted and not lumped into the experience of cis women. The desire to specifically be called a “trans woman” is very similar to the way some black women and feminist claim their social identity separate from default (white) concepts of womanhood and feminism. Yes, transwomen should be allowed to speak for themselves. But interestingly some of the more vocal advocates have a blind spot. Not all trans women are a monolith on this. You really have to ask people how they want to be referred to. In my circle, pushing the term “woman”/”real woman” comes with such a strong sense of erasure. I’m cis but have questioned my gender identity in various ways growing up. I’ve been hurt and I’ve seen my friends hurt when well meaning cis and trans women get too caught up in this idea of “real women.” Chimamanda should be careful with her words but some of the people expressing backlash often offend other trans women too. They don’t realize that their instistence clumsily implies that “woman” should be the standard to strive toward. This gets even more complicated and controversial when the loudest advocates are the more traditionally femme presenting ones who can pass.
I guess I can understand trying to find some middle ground but bending over backwards to give 45 a handjob for reading a teleprompter and not going off the rails seems like quite a reach. In his first 100 days he’s ran around like a lunatic, signing EOs and repealing everything Obama did, while accomplishing absolutely fucking nothing, We’re really supposed to be impressed because he didn’t show his whole entire ass in public (this time)?! The answer is no! Girl bye!
Listening at work all day today. I missed you guys so much! Cannot wait for The Walking Dead Recap….Cray Morgan is lit!!!
On erasure from conversations about transgender people — you mentioned how trans men are often left out of these conversations. Non-binary, agender, and genderqueer people (who fall under the trans umbrella if we operate under the definition of trans being identifying as a gender other than the one assigned at birth) are also frequently left out of the conversation. I just wanted to put that out there.