Rod and Karen discuss LGBTQ news, more Kevin Hart, French Montana defense R Kelly, John Gray, Regina King, Terry Crews, the Groveland 4, stripper gets violent, fight during church play, woman stalks cop and sword ratchetness.
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I get where Terry was coming from. I think he said black women specifically is because that’s who he grew up with and dated and mostly interacted with. I also think women in general have been indoctrinated in this misogynistic world we live in. Take Insecure for instance. Molly admitted to experimenting in college but couldn’t handle when Garret did. That happens in real life all the time. I think it’s why we have so many guys on the DL.
There are a whole lot of pick me women in Tariq Nasheed’s comment section, spouting the same toxic rhetoric their male counterparts are. So I don’t think his observation was an attack on black women specifically.
As a man who was also sexually assaulted like Crews, I totally understand where he was coming from. I think he was traumatized by the whole incident and felt isolated like anybody else would. And I think you have to take that into account. Hell, the reason I’m writing this anonymously is because I’m scared of telling anybody I was assaulted.
Hi Rod and Karen,
I had to comment on Karen’s rant about Terry Crews. The black women in me who has been and continues to be crapped on in America was shouting, “Damn Straight! Let Him Know!†The part of me who follows Terry Crews on Twitter because of his Brooklyn Nine Nine tweets had to pull back. In a typical situation, Karen you are a hundred percent right to question why black women doing right, especially by those who don’t do right by us is a surprise. Rod, you are also right regarding the factors that motivated Crews’s statement to that poorly worded question.
Terry has publicly commented on his feed that as a black man, a big black man, and a former football player, his life has been steeped in “manly mandom†which has taken the form of people of both genders expecting him to be unfeeling and to “be able to handle anything.†He has addressed moments where he has been shut down in the past for not fitting this mold. On his Twitter feed when people, sadly, many black men attacked, it was black women who defended and comforted him, often bringing him to tears with the depth of their embrace. Crews has commented how when he had moments of doubt, that support (and the private comments that went with them, which often detailed the abuse these black women had suffered) let him know he was standing in the right and kept him going. Based on this, I took his “surprise†that I might have side-eyed under different circumstances to be surprise at how collectively black women he never met made him feel seen and validated in a way that many people he knew had failed to do.
Sorry this is so long, but I thought my outsider’s awareness as a Terry Crews follower on Twitter might help.
Hi Rod and Karen. I’m here listening to the show and hearing you go back and forth about Terry Crews saying he was surprised by Black women supporting him.
I think you misread what he said. He wasn’t saying he was surprised that we supported him. He was surprised that Black men didn’t. He was expecting the brothers to have his back and was shocked and probably hurt when they turned on him instead. He thought they would be able to commiserate because he’s not the only one this has happened to.
It was a very impassioned discussion ya’ll had, but if you watch the clip again, I think you’ll catch it.
I enjoyed this episode! You both are so thought-provoking and hilarious. I can’t go a day without listening. Like Karen, I was initially taken aback by Terry Crew’s commentary, but during Guess The Race when I realized why the show was titled “Officer Magic Stick” (I was nearly in tears laughing), I had rethink. I did adamantly back Terry Crews. Maybe because he’s famous and he bravely shared is story. It sounds like Officer Stick went through hell, but I laughed at him 🙁
On that Fresh Air interview, it confirmed for me what I thought about Kevin. Kevin is emotionally stunted. He seemed both incapable of and unwilling to dig beneath the surface. He’s a prime example of someone who could really benefit from therapy, bc of the trauma he’s experienced. But b/c he’s been so successful, he’d never go. He doesn’t see anything wrong with himself, bc it’s all worked out.
He doesn’t see a reason to go deep enough to get to his core issues with homophobia, but really masculinity. Like that story about his father punching him for crying at his mother’s funeral??? His mother? And the fact that he didn’t seem to think anything was wrong with that type of toxic masculinity. He was just resolute; that said a lot.
I just couldn’t help laughing when in one minute he told Terry about the jokes coming from real-life situations. Then, when she asked him to explore the sentiment or real-life situation behind his gay jokes, he just fell back on “it was a joke” or “the intent was to be funny.” It really all boils down to some niggas just ain’t deep. For that reason alone, he’d be woefully inept for any type of active allyship.
Rod, I think the disconnect in you all’s discussion about black women supporting Terry Cruz, was that you very rarely critique black women specifically… & even when you do, you rarely say “black women.†Even in this discussion, you said “people,†instead of “black women.†So, to me, & maybe for Karen as well, when you say “people,†my mind doesn’t immediately infer “black women.â€
I think the discussion was a little jarring, not offensive, because, it was one of the few times in which you sounded like a regular black man… generally, your points are so progressive & pro-feminism, especially pro-black women, that I rarely think of you like I think of Charlemagne or Kevin Hart… or even LeBron.
& that’s not to say that I think of you, or that you intentionally try to be, an “exceptional negro.†More so, that I appreciate the love & adoration you have for black women. I also understand that your argument wasn’t specific to the black man’s experience… I think you were highlighting the human experience of dealing with this era of social media.
I’ll explain on Saturday but when I say “people†I mean “all people†and black women are just one group of people included in that.
So when we are talking social media and I say “we have seen people flip flop on gender issues†I’m saying people and not just black women because I’ve seen men flip as well.
If I have a specific criticism of black women I try to be specific with my words. What I was saying about Crews’ situation wasn’t a specific critique of black women but an advocating for him being surprised because people in general are very arbitrary in who they support.
So I can see him not expecting ANY support from anyone and being surprised when it was mostly / only black wine who supported him.
Even though I am not surprised.
I completely understand. I was just coming back, because forgot to include an example from own life, in which my husband feels very strongly about not discussing his issues with depression… he even struggles to discuss with me… & has repeatedly said that he’s always believed that black men weren’t allowed to show vulnerability. So, I can definitely understand how Terry would assume that no one, including black women, would support him.
Yes! That’s exactly what I mean. Sadly it’s not anything to do with black women. It’s another form of our toxic masculinity and the hooks it has into us. And the fear (rational or irrational) that we’ll be punished for existing outside of that imaginary box. And at the same time it’s okay for black women to be human. Not every black woman is on some inter-sectional feminist liberal stuff. The same patriarchy that affects us as men affects our women as well at times.
It’s complicated but it’s not uncommon. Some of the most misogynistic men will defend themselves by saying how they were raised by black women who taught them it was okay to be a misogynist. There’s layers to all of this. That being said if ANYONE is going to break the mold and be supportive in the black community it will be black women.
And with the way the question was asked Terry Crews was going to either come off as taking black women for granted by saying “of course black women had my back. I wasn’t surprised by their support at all” or come off as underestimating black women by saying “I was surprised how much they supported me.”
But either way I hope to never come off as regressive or anti-feminist in these conversations because what I’m advocating for is black women being human. Not a super human logo we slap on top of everything. But just human people who don’t always have to make everyone else feel better.
I don’t know what Lebron did but I definitely don’t want to come off like Kevin Hart of Lenard throwing platitudes at black women while also promoting hatred and abuse of black women.
Appreciate your thorough response. LeBron didn’t do anything. I think highly of him. But, I kind of put you in a solo category not on a pedestal or anything… I just know that you’re very thoughtful & thorough. I try to be as well.
But, it’s so hard to flesh ideas & opinions now… even in real life sometimes. My husband thinks that I’m this über aggressive feminist. But, I’m really not. I’ve just had to advocate for myself… because, as a wife, mother… black woman, I’ve felt overlooked & misunderstood. A lot of it is related to the patriarchy & misogyny that you often speak of… I was fighting against that “strong black woman†image that’s left so many of us unappreciated, undervalued & exhausted.
But, I also know that I’m not perfect. I had to learn, & am still learning, about how to communicate my needs… & so many other life lessons. Excuse me for getting personal
This life is so layered… so complicated, in a way… that’s why I appreciate you all’s show, because it’s more than just sound bites & hot takes.