Rod and Karen discuss woman can’t get money back for R Kelly’s bail, sexual assault stats of US women’s first sexual experience, new words in dictionary, Sarah Silverman defends Chappelle, Lizzo goes in on Postmate driver, HRT shortage in UK, Candace Owens vs TI and them, Dakota Fanning movie, crime tape ad for university of Wisconsin, White People News, man spray paints slur in bathroom, man spills coffee on McD’s worker, man with Coke shirt sells drugs and sword ratchetness.
Twitter: @rodimusprime @SayDatAgain @TBGWT
Email: theblackguywhotips@gmail.com
Blog: www.theblackguywhotips.com
Voice Mail: 704-557-0186
Podcast (archive): Play in new window | Download (Duration: 1:38:20 — 22.5MB)
I agree with Karen that the percentage of girls whose first experience was sexual assault is probably higher. I thought I was super educated about what sexual assault entailed when I started college. I had many other friends who had been assaulted in high school and in college. So I thought I knew for sure what it was. But I was in a really fucked up relationship with a girlfriend in college. It was emotionally abusive and just not a great sitch for either of us. She was a super anxious person and had some other mental health issues that she struggled with.
There were several times where she would start sex, and I didn’t want to do it, or wasn’t interested in doing it, and she would whine or cry or complain that I didn’t love her, or that I was rude or a bitch because I “worked her up” on purpose and then tried to stop. Or she would tell me that me not following through would fuck with her mental health. She would cry or whine at me until I eventually gave in because I felt guilty or terrible or responsible for making sure she felt good. I hated it at the time. And I would always try to find an excuse to leave as soon as it was over or to cut it short. Anything to get out of there, but I never considered that that wasn’t just a normal sexual experience.
It wasn’t until 5 years later until I had been out of that situation for a couple of years, and a friend of mine was telling me about her boyfriend doing something similar. When she explained it to me in the context of a hetero relationship, I immediately told her that it was not okay. That she shouldn’t be feel coerced into having sex if she really didn’t feel like it. That this wasn’t an okay experience. I instantly knew that it wasn’t exactly okay when a man did that to a woman. It made me think back to all those times that I felt that I had to escape from that pressure with my girlfriend and it finally clicked that those same moments with her were not okay either. I think because I was in a same sex relationship, it didn’t seem as cut and dry that what was happening was coercion and it wasn’t a healthy sexual interaction.
It was only in the intervening years that I learned more about the different types of sexual assault and coercion and more information about healthy relationships and LOTS AND LOTS of therapy that I was able to identify that it was fucked up. I always felt horrible about it at the time, but time and therapy really helped me understand why I always felt so uncomfortable with what happened. I think there are probably a lot of women who are like me who have these situations that don’t seem to fit into these exact molds of what we’re taught about sexual assault and all the grey area around it, so we don’t consider our experiences to fit the mold. So we just chalk it up to something weird or fucked up until something connects later on that makes us question things. And it’s not fun to think about, so I definitely understand why other people would just try and ignore it or dismiss it completely.
I definitely think the number is higher than what is reported.
I agree with Karen that the percentage of girls whose first experience was sexual assault is probably higher. I thought I was super educated about what sexual assault entailed when I started college. I had many other friends who had been assaulted in high school and in college. So I thought I knew for sure what it was. But I was in a really fucked up relationship with a girlfriend in college. It was emotionally abusive and just not a great sitch for either of us. She was a super anxious person and had some other mental health issues that she struggled with.
There were several times where she would start sex, and I didn’t want to do it, or wasn’t interested in doing it, and she would whine or cry or complain that I didn’t love her, or that I was rude or a bitch because I “worked her up” on purpose and then tried to stop. Or she would tell me that me not following through would fuck with her mental health. She would cry or whine at me until I eventually gave in because I felt guilty or terrible or responsible for making sure she felt good. I hated it at the time. And I would always try to find an excuse to leave as soon as it was over or to cut it short. Anything to get out of there, but I never considered that that wasn’t just a normal sexual experience.
It wasn’t until 5 years later until I had been out of that situation for a couple of years, and a friend of mine was telling me about her boyfriend doing something similar. When she explained it to me in the context of a hetero relationship, I immediately told her that it was not okay. That she shouldn’t be feel coerced into having sex if she really didn’t feel like it. That this wasn’t an okay experience. I instantly knew that it wasn’t exactly okay when a man did that to a woman. It made me think back to all those times that I felt that I had to escape from that pressure with my girlfriend and it finally clicked that those same moments with her were not okay either. I think because I was in a same sex relationship, it didn’t seem as cut and dry that what was happening was coercion and it wasn’t a healthy sexual interaction.
It was only in the intervening years that I learned more about the different types of sexual assault and coercion and more information about healthy relationships and LOTS AND LOTS of therapy that I was able to identify that it was fucked up. I always felt horrible about it at the time, but time and therapy really helped me understand why I always felt so uncomfortable with what happened. I think there are probably a lot of women who are like me who have these situations that don’t seem to fit into these exact molds of what we’re taught about sexual assault and all the grey area around it, so we don’t consider our experiences to fit the mold. So we just chalk it up to something weird or fucked up until something connects later on that makes us question things. And it’s not fun to think about, so I definitely understand why other people would just try and ignore it or dismiss it completely.
That story about the white nonsense at the water park was wild. 40 person brawl, park shut down, one dude had to be brought back from the dead. And nobody got arrested or went to jail.
If that had been some black people thinking about being that wild, we’d be having marches and mourning for the ones shot the police.
I guess whit privilege is one hell of a thing.
Lizzo is selling vodka now. I feel like she is the It Girl for the 2020s. I’m not mad at all.
I’m really scared about these drug shortages happening over here In the UK. If the folks in charge fuck around and we do a no deal Brexit It might be a nightmare scenario when it comes stocks. I hope it doesn’t come to that but man it’s hard to stay positive when parliament cant currently hold the folks in power accountable with this whole prorougation situation.
On the Dakota Fanning story. It finally made me mute some of these blerd news folks on Twitter. I completely understand what they are upset about. I do. Maybe it’s just because I’m outside the US but yall, there’s movies and shows about and from Africa about Africa starring black people that folks can watch. It may take a little more time seeking out but I’ll be damned if I get mad at the one hollywood movie about Africa starring a white person when theres plenty of stuff to watch. You dont have to rely on hollywood for this content. Like I get being annoyed the one Hollywood produced one is starring Dakota fanning and is based on a book that also did the same annoying thing but- … maybe yall can give me a little more context. I dont wanna be dismissive but it just did not seem like that big an issue to me. Is it because its about Ethiopian muslims specifically and its starring a white woman that’s the issue?