Category: Blog Post (Page 15 of 16)

This blog post was inspired by a conversation with @Terrysboy on Twitter. Donald Glover has started his own grass roots campaign to be cast as the role of Peter Parker in the next Spider-man movie. Spider-man 4 is rumored to be a relaunch of the series. They want to start over again with Peter in high school and take a few chances with the script since the actors and director from the previous movies want nothing to do with the franchise any more.

I don’t think a black Spider-man would work. I was content to just leave it there but my Twitter friend @Terryboy bombarded me with replies on this subject so I think I should do him justice with a well explained retort. I don’t expect to change anyone’s mind on this because people already seem to have their minds made up, but I would like a chance to give my rationale.

Peter Parker as the character is currently written is a masterpiece when it comes to the American experience. A poor kid from Queens who is a genius level science student raised by his widowed Aunt seems like it could be the stereotypical background for a black character. That’s where any similarities end. This isn’t a story of a kid who pulls himself up by his bootstraps to show the reader what it takes to be a success.

This is the story of a guy who never harnesses his potential in real life but reaps all the benefits anyways. He dates and marries the most famous super model on the planet. Gets a cushy gig at the Daily Bugle taking pictures of himself fighting bad guys while being a continual fuck-up at work. He’s chronically late to everything and totally blows off his entire cast of friends to pursue crime fighting. His best friend is the son of a billionaire who still hangs with Peter’s broke ass like he’s family. Oh and in-between all of this he manages to get the best science internships in the city on a consistent basis. Things just have a way of working out for Pete at every turn.

Peter Parker is the ultimate example of white privilege. You can’t just throw a brother in that role and make any of this believable. At every turn you buy Peter’s improbable luck because you can still picture people taking a chance on him. His story is just appealing enough and his face is just familiar enough that people constantly invest in him. That’s the key to his entire existence.

The last thing and well, probably the most important thing is this; I don’t trust Hollywood to do this movie correctly with a black star. I think you’d see a lot more references to race and stereotypes in the comedic turns of the script because that would be the entire hook this movie is predicated upon. I don’t want race and superhero comic book stuff to mix unless it’s pertinent to the plot. Why not make Batman gay? What about an Asian Superman? How about a movie where the Punisher is 400lbs of fat?

Stop messing with excellent premises in the name of a gimmick. Comics endure for decades because the source material is so well done. You can’t just insert race, sex or religion abruptly into a character’s origin story just to “spice it up” and expect me to roll with that. The only way it could work is to make this casting not about race at all but that would defeat the entire purpose of this “hook” gimmick they are using to relaunch this series. Now if you can find a reasonable way to make this relevant to the script and not besmirch the original storyline… I would consider it. The odds of Hollywood doing that? Zero. So how about this; let’s get the story correct this time. Instead of adding more elements for the movie industry to completely fuck up let’s get the key details of the current stories right.

Why is Wolverine leaving the Weapon X program in an afternoon? Why does Deadpool become an amalgamation of CG special effects and only has 2 speaking lines in the script? Why is Venom in Spider-man 3 for all of 25 minutes? It’s because guys like @Terrysboy (No disrespect) had similar thoughts about cavalierly changing the source material instead of delving into the minutia of the original storylines that made these franchises long-standing pillars of American mythology.

Now if you don’t mind I have to read some more of this new Batman series where he’s doing crime fighting in a wheelchair. Peace.

1. On the podcast we talked about “Eye balling” a technique where college students in take alcohol through pouring it into their eye sockets. Supposedly you get drunk faster even though they normally don’t do this until they are already hammered. What’s next? Liqour IV’s?

2. There is no better determination between the separation of racial culture than listening to two white dudes discuss how awesome “Jackass: The Movie” was to them. Sometimes I feel like I’ll never figure ya’ll out.

3. I guess John Travolta’s dogs finally reached their final destination.

4. I order this pizza from Brixx Brick Over Pizzaria up the street. It’s have American Style and have Mexican. I call it the NAFTA Pizza

5. How is crippling depression not an insult to people who are actually legitimately handicapped? I’m so sad that it’s like being like you, with your inability to walk or missing limbs or what not. It makes no sense. You never hear someone say I have “retarded sadness” or I was in a “handicapped amount of pain”.

6. Since BP is taking everyone’s suggestions about how to clean up the oil spill I’d like to add my own. My idea comes from the era of the Jheri Curl. How did your grandmother keep all that Jherri Curl juice off the couch? It’s easy just encase the ocean in plastic!

7. I want to become a relationship advice columnist that only gives out advice for abusive relationships. My advice would always be short and say stuff like, “Put some ice on it” or “Don’t go outside for a couple days and call in sick to work.”

8. Instead of prescription drugs people should be getting subscription drugs. They would come in the mail monthly. You just sign up for it like a magazine and send in a check. Then you can just renew annually if you dislike the drugs. Why wouldn’t this work?

9. Murphy Lee had a point. What will the chorus consist of?

10. You know how some animals in nature are more brightly colored than others? It normally means they are dangerous or poisonous? Well that’s how I feel about clothing or care accessories with Dixie flags on them. It’s like humanity’s way of identifying are most volatile members.

11. I was on The Insanity Check Podcast a couple of days ago and we decided that companies should be able to put “KKK” or confederate flags on the outside of their business to let you know that black people aren’t welcomed. I agreed at the time but then I had a nightmare. What if some of the places I love to go are secretly racist? What if Bojangles chicken put a confederate flag outside their establishment? I’d have to burn the city down!

12. Why does it seem like soldiers in the old days knew how to write a letter better than current soldiers? “Dears Celeste to gaze upon your countenance once again would be divine.”

13. Rick Ross is like Lance Armstrong. I believe everything he has to say until he stops talking. WTF man…?

14. Who came up with the term “laugh riot”? What exactly is that? Has anything ever been so funny that it turned an audience into a violent mob of lunatics? Maybe black people didn’t find the Rodney King footage outrageous but instead found it so hilarious that they decided to burn down all the Korean owned stores in Compton.

15. Why aren’t there any “player lovers”? Or are player lovers just considered groupies?

16. Is the term “co-ed” sexist? We only use it to refer to women.

17. So Mel Gibson acts a fool and uses racial slurs but this time it’s directed at black people. But can you really say that he will lose any fans this time around? I mean if you stuck with him after he slighted the Jews then aren’t you kind of with him for life? Is the N-word really going to put you over the top? Who is this group of people who are racist against Jews but shocked by racism against blacks? Other than the Nation of Islam I can’t think of one group who has this agenda. And he beats his baby momma. Stop me when I’ve said something that surprises you in the least. What is the difference between Mel Gibson and any other racist redneck other than he directed Apocolypto?

18. Also, isn’t the worst thing you can do to Mel Gibson is become his biggest black fan? He would hate that.

19. I bet there will be a ton of diseases from the cleanup of the oil spill. Just like those workers who got the “cough” at Ground Zero from inhaling noxious fumes. It can’t be good to work on the cleanup crew for this oil spill right?

20. Don’t forget there is a donate button on the right hand side of this page. Please contribute to all this entertainment that I’m providing you with. Even a dollar could help!

1. I was listening to The Insanity Check Podcast the other day and they were talking about reformed domestic violence offenders. If there is a 12 step program for people who are addicts of domestic violence wouldn’t it just be called “pushing her down the stairs”? Actually it would probably depend on how many stories up you were.

2. You know how we worship the founding fathers? What if we had a time machine and brought them back and then they acted like retards because of all the technological advances? Like they would be mystified by the invention of toilets and cars. Things we take for granted like racial equality would completely piss them off.

3. So Montana Fishburne has a porn tape now. Not a sex tape. A porn tape. Big difference. One you get a check up front before filming with a camera crew and the other is done with a handheld and just 2 people in the room. The real question here is why does Montana need a porno name? She goes by “Chippy D” but says she wants the porn tape to make her famous like it did for Kim Kardashian. Isn’t the Fishburne name more famous than “chippy D” right now? I bet Judy from Family Matters is rolling over in her grave.
4. And you know how porn is. They think everything is up for a joke. They will have “Chippy D” doing “Not Pee Wee’s PlayHouse” or “Not The Matrix”

5. After listening to a clip of Wakka Flakka on “Where’s My 40 Acres?” podcast I came up with a new word. “Nignorance” – self explanatory.

6. I love when people hit me up on Twitter and let me know exactly what lines they thought were funny from the podcast. I’m always like, “Yeah I did say that. It was funny! That is right!”

7. This debate about the mosque being built a couple of blocks away from where the towers fell on 9/11 is really opening my eyes. I thought we were fighting radical terrorist that used the Islamic religion as a weapon. But the way people (even some of my friends) are reacting to this news I realize now that they’ve always seen it as a war against Muslims over all. That saddens me.

8. When I see a cute woman working the drive through window I wonder “what went wrong in her life?” That’s messed up man. If you extrapolate that out then what I’m really saying is that it’s okay for ugly people to have minimum wage jobs.

9. Another Montana Fishburne thought: Isn’t every person in porn someone’s “Chippy D”? We only care because she’s famous and deep down we feel that porn is a career field that only acceptable for people without other options. We still have a view that porn is exploitation of the poor and abused people even thought in 2010 it’s more of a get money quick move than anything else. We don’t truly respect a woman’s sexual independence or right to do what she wants with her body. Amazing isn’t it? And that’s not even getting into the fact that we never feel the men in porn have any sort of mental or physical abuse they are acting out against. Maybe we are the ones who are fucked up in the game.

10. So you can catch more flies with honey than shit? First of all I don’t believe that. Secondly, who sees a fly and WANTS to keep it around? And lastly… who is the person who conducted this test?

11. I don’t cry cause I’m sad. I cry because I have allergies. I’m allergic to emotions.

Flux Capacitor Anyone?

1. I don’t want to time travel but I do want people to think that I’m working on time traveling. So here is a cheap way to give the impression that you’re trying to travel through time. Walk up to one of your friends and shake them around the shoulders and ask them “What’s today’s date?” Then ask them for the year. And when they tell you it’s 2010. You say, “It didn’t work!” and storm off.

You Can’t Even Eat This

2. The people who “settled” (i.e. stole) America were of the same culture that spawned the current climate of that we live in. It’s because of our roots that we’re wasteful and we constantly live in the moment. I wonder if that means when the settlers got here they were just killing all kinds of helpless animals just for shit’s sake. For some reason the idea of buffalo and bald eagles being killed for no reason other than target practice or to pass the time made me giggle. How casually did we end up driving these animals to extinction or endangerment without a second thought.

Do You Take Rain Checks?

3. You know how people always bring up the classic “indecent proposal” question with relationships? If someone gave you a million dollars would you or your mate sleep with them for 24 hours and then go back to normal but with a million bucks in tow? What if that scenario happened but instead of just getting all million dollars the guy or girl could only pay you a little bit at a time? That would suck. I guess the idea here is that a lump sum of money seems more appealing and promises to fix all your problems but a constant trickle of money that you constantly have to harass someone for, would probably cause you to break up. Just a thought.

The Good Old Days Huh?

4. Any time someone starts a sentence with “back in the day” the next thing out their mouth is probably going to be a lie. “Back in the day when you approached a woman she knew to take you seriously.” “Back in the day when you could pray in schools kids were better behaved.”

So I have to tell 3 people what a first down is?

5. Someone needs to create an online course to teach single women about football. It would save men a ton of time during games.

And You Wonder Why Caradine Did It?

6. If you think about it the game “hang man” is a pretty fucking morbid. I mean this guy doesn’t even get a trial? His entire fate is put up as the stakes in a game of guessing letters? How is that fair? What about his stick family? How many innocent stick men have died in the imaginations of little kids? I always felt sad about that game when I was a child. “Hey, I’m bored! Let’s pretend to kill someone!”

You Can’t See Me

7. My magical headphones make me invisible to social interaction around my office. But I think they are starting to wear off.

Hmm… not yet…

8. How many shapes of objects did the Klan go through before deciding on the cross? Were they burning circles and triangles first? Did these other things not strike enough fear? Maybe the other objects were just too cumbersome to load onto the back of a horse. I wonder if some guy who owned a big wooden cross store came up with the idea of the Klan just to sell his overstock.

Giggity

9. How to cheat on your wife and get away with it:
A. Go out and buy a wig and some lingerie
B. Make reservations at a nice restaurant
C. Put on a suit
D. Tell your wife to put on the wig and nice clothes with the underwear on underneath
E. Call her a different name at the restaurant and in the car
F. Have sex

Why Yes You Can

10. Can I buy a personalized Plaxico jersey with his prison number on it?

Everything That Tips?

11. Kriss from The Insanity Check podcast told me that I might have to buy all the domain names similar to “The Black Guy Who Tips”. I was thinking about that and I don’t think I can do this. The title of our podcast plays on racial stereotypes. Would I have to buy “The Black Guy Who Reads” and “The Black Guy Who Raises His Kids” too? I don’t think so.

12. I really hope heaven’s invitations has a “Plus 1” policy. Maybe I can get in on my wife’s guest pass.

First things first, you need to go HERE to understand the satire you’re about to read.

1. They Love Animals – white women will not only kiss you on the mouth but they will also kiss your dog on the mouth. While many black women don’t want to own a pet unless they are going to use it for dog fighting, white women will welcome animals of all kinds with open arms. The fact that she is receptive to dealing with your black ass means that she’s already willing to let a savage animal in her house.

2. They Are More Secure – It’s hard to cheat on a black woman. They want an unrealistic relationship based on made up words like “respect” and “monogamy”. Black women are intimidating because of all of their education and Destiny’s Child music collections. Black women see cheating as lazy, disrespectful and disgusting. In the white culture this is just considered an “open relationship”. This is why they love to give oral sex. It’s not demeaning to them in any way. White women love to give oral sex like black women hate to go to the gym. Look it up! It’s in books and stuff!

3. Fear of A Black Planet – You can’t pull out the “because I’m black!” argument on a black woman when she ask you why you didn’t even attempt to apply for a job today after sitting on the couch playing NBA 2k10 while she was at work. When she walks in the house and smells the liquor on your breath and the faint scent of weed in the air and says, “Tyrone! Really? You didn’t even log onto the jobs.com account I created for you?” You can just look her in the face and say, “Cause I’m black okay? Is that what you want to hear?!” Things like this will keep you from having to watch the movie “Precious” or attending church when football is on.

4. They Give You More Credit – Brothers, we all know after years of dating black women and ruining their credit that it’s very constricting. I mean how can I expect to get the new Lebron James shoes AND the Kinect add on for my Xbox 360 on a $500 credit card in my girl’s name? It’s damned near impossible. That’s why you have to use the sistas for a gateway to getting on a white woman’s credit line. If she tries to deny you all you have to do is go back to reason number 3 and play the race card. “Oh so I’m good enough for your bed but not your bank account!?! Cause I’m black!” Black women are always checking their statements and questioning you about unauthorized charges and stuff. Who needs that stress? And of course all brothers know that the fatter the white woman the fatter the wallet.

5. They Have Good Family Backgrounds – A recent survey I conducted among my friends scientifically proved that 0% of white women have children out of wedlock. While stereotypes I gained by watching BET say that 99% of black women have multiple kids out of wedlock and 100% have at least 1 child out of wedlock. Further research on the documentary show Maury went deeper into the problem showing that only 1 in 3 black women are correct when choosing who the father of their child is. Even though 100% of these women claimed to be certain. Hard to argue with science right?

6. White Women Are Book Smart – I know that statistics show that many black women graduate from college. Many will even tell you that they read often but what are they reading? Old issues of Jet while waiting to get their hair “did”? Or maybe they are reading the latest book by Steven Harvey on why they just can’t find a man and how it’s their own entire fault. White women are always reading things that educate them so that they may better your life. Meanwhile sisters are street smart but how is that going to help you when applying for a home loan? Have street smarts ever improved your credit score?

7. They Aren’t Worried About Being Independent – Because white women always have fathers and never ever come from broken homes all of them always value having a man in their lives. You don’t even have to be a good man because they are just happy to have any sort of black man. While any date with a black woman will deteriorate into listening to a list of their accomplishments without a man. Look if I want to watch a black woman eat food while masturbating to her own resume I’ll watch Oprah.

8. They Are Okay With Thugs – White women are always looking for ways to stand out from the crowd and rebel against their upbringing. What better way for them to prove how cool they are than by bringing home a tatted up ex con for Thanksgiving with the folks. I know the dinner will be awkward but trust me, her family’s hatred of you only makes her love stronger. She doesn’t mind you staying up till 3 am playing Scarface with the volume loud enough to wake the neighbors. Hell, she’ll even come down and answer the door when the cops come by to investigate

1. I want to invent something called “6, Hour Energy Drinks”. I know what you’re thinking, “Someone already invented that Rod!” Go back and re-read that. See the comma? It’s 6 separate one hour energy drinks instead of one drink that last for 5 hours. It’s brilliant right? You get a whole 6 pack for the same price as one 5 hour energy drink!

2. So the owner of the Segway died by falling off a cliff to his death while riding a Segway? I don’t believe it. It’s either the laziest suicide of all time or my fears have come true. Segways have become sentient and turned on their masters. This is how the plot to terminator begins. This is the perfect murder. Well other than my “training a monkey to kill” murder plan that I came up with after listening to “The Morning Jones” today.

3. I keep seeing commercials about how texting while driving is leading people to dying in car accidents. Then they show the text they were reading at the time of death and it’s always something really boring like, “yeah” or “cool”. Well I’m not saying any text is worth dying for but isn’t that out of context? I’d like to see the whole conversation. Also what if the text was really clever and funny. Would that be worth dying for?

4. I never got into the game “Clue” and I think I know why. It’s a cultural thing. Most black people don’t even grow up playing that game. I think it’s because it’s unbelievable that someone would have that many rooms and items. You killed someone in a foyer? What is a foyer? I didn’t know what a foyer was until I was grown. I thought “libraries” were buildings with books not a room upstairs in the house.

5. I wonder if there is a secret room in the bank for rich people where they can go into the back and roll around in their money like Scrooge McDuck. Like you just roll around back there for a couple of minutes and then walk out like nothing happened. It can be called a the “Glory Roll” room.

6. You might be moving into the hood if your neighbors are doing inventory of your electronics as you move in. “Hey man… was that 2 big screen flat panel TVs? I have you down for 2.”

7. I’m not even mad at Brett Favre. I’m just impressed he can operate a camera phone at 42 years old. Also who would’ve thought you could fit a camera phone in the back pocket of a pair of Wranglers? Not me.

8. I love how every article on relationship advice always starts off with the author telling you that they are in a relationship. As if that is validation for anything. Do you know how easy it is to be in a relationship? It’s not impressive at all. A few clicks on your Facebook page can change the status of your relationship drastically. With the high failure rate of relationships I highly doubt anyone should consider themselves an “expert” at anything other than the ONE relationship they are capable of maintaining at the time.

9. A friend of mine told me that her s/o cheated on her but not physically. What other way is there to cheat? Was it financially? In an alternate dimension? Did they time travel to the future?

10. Is it okay to root for the villain in “Enough” because we all know J-Lo is a horrible person in real life?

11. Well it took me 32 years but I totally realized the sexual innuendo in the food items, “Banana Pudding” and “Banana Nut Bread” and I will no longer able to say these without at the very least smiling uncomfortably.

12. Unstoppable puts the “Train” back in “Training Day”.

1. I was listening to “Where’s My 40 Acres?!” Podcast the other day and they were talking about the man who punch a woman and left her in a coma over a parking space. Now in all fairness we have no idea how good this parking space was, but there is an important lesson to be learned here. Even though people say you should never hit a woman women get hit every day. Just remember ladies life isn’t a video game. There are no buttons on the controller of life that don’t work. So while you shouldn’t be walking around in constant fear of being hit during an altercation just remember that it can and does happen often.

2. Some people call it segregation. I call it the “original all white party”. I mean Diddy puts one on in Miami every year. Why can’t white people?

3. I ran a red light to avoid eye contact with a homeless man today. Am I turning into a softy?

4. Vegans probably don’t swallow right?

5. Spammers are getting lazier. I’ve been receiving the same email from different addresses. All it says in the subject line is “I have a business proposal for you.” Then the actual body of the email is blank. Who is that going to work on? What happened to the days of elaborate stories that involved hardships and peril? Step it up spammers.

6. You can tell how healthy a microwave meal is supposed to be by the instructions on the box. If it tells you to microwave it on 54% while cutting a slit in the tops and placing it in a pot of boiling water then you are eating a healthy choice meal or something.

7. An investigation into the “Pay N Spray” auto painting shops could single handedly destroy the entire crime world of Vice City. I mean really is there any reason you should be able to pay $200 for a paint job that takes a few minutes and they even guarantee to knock of the stars on your “wanted” status.

8. I was watching the movie “Jason X” for the first time the other day and I had to turn it off. I don’t know if it’s a 2 part movie or what but he never even gets close to turning Muslim. Did Spike Lee even direct this movie? I’m assuming it’s a prequel to Malcolm X but I don’t know man. Total rip off.

9. Taco Bell’s new shrimp tacos are over 80% beef.

10. I was talking to someone about the rapper “Joe Budden” but I spelled his last name “Button”. And they had to correct me. I was like, “My bad I forgot to spell his last name incorrectly.” Only in hip hop.

11. If only Tami, Royce, Jennifer and Shaunie return for the next season of The Basketball “Wives” then I’m officially calling it “The Return of 4 Heffas” . Ratchetball Wives is bound to be epic again.

1.       I’m amazed that there is an actually a symbol for “Anarchy”. Does that just go against everything they stand for? I just imagine someone tagging a building with the “A” for anarchy and someone coming along like, “No! That’s now how you do it! All the symbols have to be uniform! Why isn’t this the right shade of red? Take it down!”

2.       I saw Stevie Wonder sitting front row at the All-Star game the other day. It looked like he was sitting with Ted Williams (The homeless man with the golden voice from God). Maybe he was letting Ted Williams describe the game to him. I think that is like watching the game in 3-D for a blind person.

3.       Sidenote: If I was Stevie Wonder I would only do things that would make people with sight hate me for how I’m balling. I’m talking front row seats at the Superbowl. I’d learn to choreograph steps that make it seems as if I’m walking around movie objects and people. I’d own an iPhone and shit.

4.       An involuntary erection at a funeral = Mourning Wood

5.       I’m just going to start saving time and start spilling stuff on my shirts as I pull them out of the dryer. I spilled coffee on my freshly cleaned shirt first thing this morning. Why do I even try.

6.       Is it okay for two dudes who are using Google chat to use emoticons when talking to each other?

7.       So I saw Phonte, Jean Grae and 9^th Wonder all collaborated on a song together. That’s the good news. The bad news? Lil B the Based God is on it. I found this disappointing because these are the rappers who aren’t afraid to call out wackness and claim to suffer for their own artistic principles but then they turn around and work with a guy who is an obvious gimmick rapper. Lil B has no talent and we even ridiculed his lack of ability on our podcast. The lesson that I learned here? Even these conscious rappers want Youtube hits.

8.       Why would the man in the yellow hat hang out with a monkey? Now THAT is curious.

9.       I’m going to make a book for people who don’t like to read. It’s going to be called “Movie: The Book” and it’ll be available only on DVD and BluRay.

10.   “They say when you own a hammer every problem starts to look like a nail”. I think the same applies to people who own guns. When you own a gun every problem starts to look like a black man the basketball court on a hot summer day.

1.       Everything I learn about other cultures comes from porn. Did you know that Japanese people have pixelated genitalia? It’s true.

2.       I was at the gas station the other day getting some gas. You really do have to jump through a lot of hoops to get some gas. It’s like filling out a pop quiz. What is your zip code? Do you want debit or credit? Do you want a receipt? Would you like a car wash? Why didn’t you answer the phone when I called? Where were you last night? Let me see your Facebook password! You cheating on me nigga? I will cut your dick off!

3.       So it’s black history month and in observance of all of the sacrifices that my ancestors have made for me in order for me to be here doing this blog I’ve decide to call it “Call of Duty: African American Ops” for the rest of the month.

4.       I was reading an article for the podcast about a black man receiving a noose in his locker at his job. The noose supposedly was an “ominous message” as opposed to the friendly nooses for occasions like, “welcome to the neighborhood” or “happy birthday”.

5.       Instead of “how many people have you slept with” wouldn’t a better question be, “how many more people do you plan on sleeping with”?

6.     I am always slightly annoyed when rappers start their verses with “listen”.

As opposed to what? You already have my attention. I’m actually expecting you to rap at any moment. Do you think I just have the song on in the background and I’m turning it down when the words come on? Stop insulting my intelligence. That’s like me starting a blog post with “read this!”

7.       Look ladies, I don’t know what Bruno Mars is trying to convince you of but I won’t catch a grenade for you.  I might catch a cab for you. If it’s love then I would catch a plane for you. More than likely I’ll catch a movie and a bite to eat for you. I also won’t catch an STD or a case for you either.

8.       I have a friend who recently started a new job and she asked me for some advice. I was like, “On day one you walk up to the biggest mofo in that place. You look them right in the face and you knock them out in front of everyone. Let ‘em know you’re not to be messed with.” When I hung up I realized I had accidentally given her my prison advice speech. So if anyone is hiring in the Virginia area please contact theblackguywhotips@gmail.com

9.       I was listening to a song by The Lox the other day and by the time I turned off the song I had been shot 18 times.

10.   JaRule is saying that his next album won’t have any derogatory references to women. I think the album will be somewhere between 10 and 20 minutes long.

11.   Hey conspiracy theorist if they let you say it on your podcast or blog then it’s probably not true. You’ll know you’re onto the truth when they come to kill you.

12.   Have you ever considered that Gucci Mane may have done his face like that because while you can steal a chain you can’t steal tattoo.